


What We Deserve

by JayceCarter



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Rough Sex, Smut, Spoilers, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-09-21 02:28:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9527777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayceCarter/pseuds/JayceCarter
Summary: Nora has betrayed her friends to side with the Institute, and the weight of that choice is crushing her. X6-88, her unfeeling companion, seems a safe choice to use as an outlet for her anger, for her self-hatred. What happens when she realizes he's carrying around his own pain? Will she realize they could be something more, or will they destroy one another because of what they think they deserve?





	1. Chapter 1

 

#

 

Nora shoved x6-88, though he didn’t budge. “I hate you so fucking much!”

 

“You should calm down.” His voice, flat, calm as ever.

 

“You don’t feel a damned thing, do you? I just slaughtered people I cared about for you, for Shaun, and you don’t care. You don’t understand anything.”

 

She wanted to shove him again, but what was the point? He was bigger than her, stronger, faster. He stood there, impassive, as if her outburst meant nothing at all.

 

“It was the right choice, Ma’am. Father knew they were-“

 

“Don’t you talk about them. Not a single word, you don’t have that right. They were good people and I killed them all.”

 

Nora paced inside the tiny shack, x6-88 standing by the door, arms crossed over his chest, staring at her like she were a child having a hissy fit.

 

How could she have done that? Her hands still had blood on them, her shoes covered in splatter. She’d executed them all and for what? For the Institute? Fuck the institute.

 

She’d done it for Shaun. She’d failed him as a mother, and it came down a simple choice. She was with him or against him.

 

She couldn’t fail him again.

 

“You should rest. You’ve over exerted yourself.”

 

“Are you sending me to bed? Is that really what you want to try and do?”

 

“If you choose to act like a child, I will treat you as one.”

 

Nora pulled the pistol from her jacket and pointed it at him. “I killed my friends today, don’t think for a moment I wouldn’t kill you, too.”

 

X6-88 stared at the weapon as if it mattered little, like he stared at a tiny bug crossing the sidewalk. He swept his hand out, knocking it from her grip. “Are you done yet?”

 

“Not even close.” Nora grabbed a dagger from the holder at her waist and swiped it at him.

 

X6-88 deflected the blade with ease, grabbing her wrist and twisting it until he had pinned her arm behind her. He yanked it up and she dropped the blade. He leaned in to speak into her ear, but still lacked any feeling.

 

Did he feel anything at all?

 

“Stop this, Nora. I understand the mission was difficult, but I am not your enemy. You will accomplish nothing by lashing out at me.”

 

“They’re all gone,” she whispered the fight leaving her. Her knees buckled, putting extra pressure on her arm.

 

He shifted his grip, easing her down to the floor.

 

Nora curled into herself, there, in the middle of the shack.

 

Let the world fall down around her, she didn’t fucking care anymore.

 

#

 

X6-88 stood by the door, eyes on Nora. She hadn’t moved, lapsing into sleep sometime before. The tears had lasted a while, then as if she lacked any energy, she’d simple stopped.

 

He wasn’t good with people. He’d never been good at talking to them, at understanding them. Other synths, they managed it. Maybe it was his training as a courser, maybe he had a defect, but he’d never managed it.

 

Right then he wished he had the skill.

 

Should he take Nora to Father? Could he help her? Perhaps he should take her to one of her friends, allow them to attend to her.

 

For once, he didn’t know. Normally missions were his forte, a plan he followed, regimented his life by, but he had no steps here, no idea how to complete the goal.

 

They’d destroyed the Railroad, as Father had ordered them to. She’d performed admirably, her shots perfect, focus complete. It wasn’t until they left, until they stopped at the small shack to rest for the night, that she’d changed.

 

It was as if she hadn’t realized her actions until they’d arrived.

 

X6 tried to think about it, tried to understand. How would he feel if he had to destroy the Institute? If he had to execute those he knew as she had?

 

He shook his head.

 

He’d let her sleep, and perhaps in the morning she’d see things clearer.

 

#

 

Nora pulled the strap of her backpack over her shoulder, ignoring the twinge from sleeping on a hard wooden floor.

 

X6-88 hadn’t said a word all morning, only watching her as if expecting her to fall into hysterics.

 

She’d done enough crying. She had to live with what she’d done, now, and that seemed fair. She wanted it to hurt, to kill her every day. She pinned Deacon’s face to her eyelids, so they’d never shut without seeing that hurt, that realization of her betrayal.

 

“Where are we going?”

 

Nora didn’t bother to turn around. “Do you care?”

 

“It is tactically unsound to keep the information from me.”

 

“It’s all about tactics with you, isn’t? We’re going to Goodneighor.”

 

“Goodneighbor is not a safe town. What mission do we have there?”

 

“The mission is to drown my ass in liquor, and for that mission, there is no better town. If you don’t want to come, feel free to head home.”

 

“I would not leave you, Ma’am. It is my responsibility to protect you.”

 

“Well you’re too fucking late for that.”

 

#

 

X6-88 considered taking the liquor away from Nora. She’d drank far more than was wise for a woman of her size.

 

Beside her, Mayor Hancock sat, offering her more alcohol and plenty of other things.

 

X6-88 stood beside the couch, listening.

 

“Come on, Nora. Like the old days? I’ll give you a tour of the statehouse.”

 

“You’re such a manwhore,” Nora said and drank down the last of her bottle.

 

“Perhaps you should abstain from anymore,” X6-88 said and nodded toward the empty bottle.

 

“Well didn’t you bring the life of the party.” Hancock slid an arm around Nora.

 

“He’s supposed to protect me.”

 

“Seems like he’s protecting you from a good time.” The Mayor pulled Nora closer. “Come on, sunshine. You know I never let you leave until you’re well satisfied. You deserve a break.”

 

Nora’s face smoothed over, her body tensing. “I’m tired, John. I’m going to call it a night.”

 

The ghoul pulled his arm away, the motion slow, his face curious. He’d caught the change of mood, it would take an idiot to miss it. “What’s wrong? You’ve been off all night. You’re not the sort of drink so much, and certainly not the sort of to turn me down.”

 

She shook her head, pushing herself to unsteady feet. “I’m just not feeling well. Thanks for the night, I’ll say goodbye before I head out.”

 

Nora ignored the Mayor’s response as she trudged up the steps of The Third Rail, using the banister for balance. She wavered on the street, headed for the Rexford, and x6-88 stayed close enough to save her if she fell.

 

She didn’t fall, though, and made it to the room.

 

#

 

Nora felt sick.

 

It wasn’t the alcohol or the chems. It was her.

 

She’d almost fallen into Hancock’s charm, the way she had so many times before. They were easy, simple, sweet. Sex meant little to either of them beyond a release and some fun, but she didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve sweetness or kindness.

 

She didn’t deserve Hancock’s attention, his touch.

 

She sat on the edge of the bed and hung her head down.

 

X6-88 stood in front of her, a shadow, a presence in her life, the only one to know what she’d done, the only one who wouldn’t condemn her for it.  

 

“Are you alright?” He asked the question slowly, as if the words didn’t feel right.

 

She didn’t answer, didn’t look up.

 

“Are you sick? Do you need food? To throw up?”

 

She needed to stop thinking, to stop feeling. She needed to feel like she could pay her due for what she’d done, like she could cleanse herself of all of it.

 

“Do you feel anything?” Her throat felt dry.

 

“I feel everything you do. Synths experience the same emotions as humans.”

 

“You don’t seem like it.”

 

“I am a courser. I’ve trained a long time to control my feelings. They do not control me.”

 

Deacon’s face flashed before Nora again, smiling and lying and perfect. Then it shifted, red leaking from the corner of his mouth, cursing her as he had been when he’d died. After she’d killed him.

 

Nora wrapped her fingers into her hair and squeezed, closing her eyes, trying to hold onto that pain. It dug inside her, but fuck, she needed it. She deserved it.

 

Hands settled on hers, trying to gentle her touch. She opened her eyes to see x6-88 kneeling in front of her, his lips moving, but she couldn’t hear the words.

 

She didn’t care what the words were.

 

“I can’t do this,” she whispered. “I see them, all of them, every second of the day.”

 

“It will get better.”

 

“I don’t want it to get better. I don’t deserve for it to get better.”

 

His face held an emotion she didn’t recognize at first, hadn’t ever seen on his face before.

 

Uncertainty. Fear?

 

Nora leaned in and pressed her lips to his.

 

#

 

X6-88 froze.

 

Sex wasn’t foreign to him, but Nora had never shown any interest, never given him any reason to believe she might desire such a relationship with him.

 

A sting in his lip had him pull back. He touched his tongue to the welling blood, to the spot where Nora had bitten him.

 

“You can say no,” she said, refusing to meet his gaze. “This isn’t an order.”

 

“Why? You turned down Hancock.”

 

“I don’t want Hancock.”

 

“But you want me?”

 

“Yes.”

 

That was all he needed to hear before he pounced on her, spreading her out on the bed. His lips crashed down on hers, aggressive and hungry.

 

He’d made sure to never look at her wrong, to never do anything that could even look inappropriate. Now those bounds were cut, and he was ravenous for her.  

 

Nora yanked off her pants, the motions clipped and difficult since he gave her no room. She fumbled with the button to his pants.

 

X6-88 reached down between her legs, but she stopped him. He broke the kiss to look at her, but she’d shut her eyes, refused to open them.

 

Nora pulled him from his pants, her hand warm and perfect. She wrapped her legs around his waist and lined him up.

 

“You’re not ready,” he said. “You need additional stimulation, Ma’am.”

 

“No, I don’t.” She used her legs to pull him toward her, the head of his cock nestling in her folds.

 

“It will hurt. You are not prepared, yet.”

 

“Just do it.” Her voice was low, full of pain.

 

“I do not wish to hurt you.”

 

“I want to hurt. I deserve to hurt.” She dug her nails into his skin, urging him forward, lifting her hips, all to no avail.

 

X6-88 held himself still, refused to let her move him an inch. “I will not hurt you.”

 

Nora opened her eyes, then glared at him. “Why not? Just another mission, right? You control your emotions, they don’t control you, right? So what does it matter if I want you to hurt me? Where is all your fucking courser training if you can’t even do this? If you don’t want to, fine, leave me alone so I can find someone else.”

 

X6-88 ran the facts through his head, tried to weigh options, solutions.

 

Just another mission. The objective was to keep Nora safe, and with her head where it was, she was nowhere near safe. Could pain help her?

 

He couldn’t let her go to someone she didn’t know, couldn’t let her take that risk.

 

He placed his hands at her hips and willed his body to cooperate. “Tell me if it is too much. I will stop immediately.”

 

“It won’t be,” she said.

 

He shoved in, her body impossibly tight, warm, but not nearly wet enough. Her neck arched, a broken scream pushing past her lips. He stopped, fully inside her, and waited for her to adjusted.

 

“More.” She dug her nails into him.

 

X6-88 pushed his own feelings aside, demanded his body respond. He controlled his feelings, he controlled his body. Even when his cock wanted to go limp, to escape the ugliness there, he refused to give in. He pulled out and thrust in again.

 

#

 

Nora lost track of time, of everything. She’d underestimated the amount of power in X6-88, but pinned beneath him, she felt every ounce of it. His muscles flexed, his arms holding her waist while he took her.

 

Rough, painful, everything she needed.

 

Everything she deserved.

 

It was sometime later he pulled out. She didn’t think he’d come, and his face held unhappy lines. Nora rolled, whimpering as her body rebelled. Still, that pain, she clung to it.

 

The last thing she remember was X6-88 sitting by the door, his head hanging down in his hands.

 

The position looked so familiar.


	2. Chapter 2

X6 sat in the lobby of the Rexford. Once Nora had drifted off to sleep, he’d left her alone. Even the sight of her sparked feelings he wasn’t comfortable with, wasn’t sure how to handle.

 

The night before rattled around in his head, an ugly moment he couldn’t escape, couldn’t forget, couldn’t pretend hadn’t happened.

 

He’d washed himself afterward, finding blood.

 

He’d made her bleed.

 

The thought had him gripping his weapon as if there were an enemy to fight. But there was nothing, just her and pain.

 

He didn’t want that to happen again.

 

“Morning.” Nora’s soft voice drew his gaze up.

 

“Good morning, Ma’am.” X6 stood, removing his fingers from his weapons. He surveyed her as if he could see damage, could assess if she was alright, if she was better.

 

“I thought we’d head back to Sanctuary.”

 

“Do we have a mission there?”

 

“No. I just. . .” Nora pulled at her shirt as if she were uncomfortable. “I think I could use a little time somewhere quiet.”

 

“Perhaps a rest would alleviate the challenging feelings you’re having.”

 

Her cheeks flushed, but she looked away, like she couldn’t hold his gaze. “Maybe.”

 

#

 

Nora felt X6 behind her, the way he walked reminding her of a tiger: lethal and powerful. He’d taken on an edge she hadn’t felt before, or at least she hadn’t noticed.

 

He’d always been lethal. No one could see him fight and believe anything different. Perhaps it was the fact she’d never fought against him that had led her to underestimate him.

 

After the night before, however, after feeling the strength in his arms, the power coiled in his body being used against her, she found herself wary.

 

He’d done only what she’d asked, given only what she’d wanted, and yet she now had to appreciate him with an apprehension that was new. Of course, there was the smallest part that was less apprehension, and more interest.

 

“Do you require water?”

 

Nora jerked her gaze around as if caught. “What?”

 

“Your cheeks are flushed. Are you overheated?”

 

“Oh, no.” She shook her head and turned away, trying to hide the flush on her cheeks.

 

Okay, so the night before hadn’t been pleasant. She’d woken up sore, and still felt pain as she walked. A stimpack could have taken care of it, but she wanted to hold onto that pain.

 

However, the way he’d kissed her, the feeling of his body over hers, those had been nice. She hadn’t expected the passion. At least, the passion at first. It had drained from him, his movements becoming mechanical quickly.

 

A water appeared beside her. “Drink.”

 

Nora took the water and gulped a few drinks to appease him. At least he thought it was the heat rather than anything more difficult to explain.

 

He stood before her, examining her face. “Your heartbeat has accelerated and you’re sweating. We should rest.”

 

#

 

X6 ignored the way Nora sighed.

 

She was showing signs of heat fatigue, and pushing herself would not be wise. Should they run into trouble along the way to Sanctuary, she should be at her best.

 

“I’m not overheating,” she snapped.

 

“Your cheeks-“

 

“-are flushed, yes, I know. It’s fine.”

 

“It is not fine.” He wrapped a hand around her arm to steer her toward a nearby building. “We will rest in the shade.”

 

She leaned into the touch, her tongue touching her bottom lip, and he cocked up an eyebrow. His look caused her to glance away, more red across her face.

 

X6 grasped her chin and brought her eyes back to his. “So it’s not the heat, then.”

 

“I told you to leave it alone. It’s not important.”

 

“Anything that causes this sort of reaction is important. It leaves you distracted and vulnerable.” He let the half-truth slide past his lips. The full truth would be inappropriate. He wanted her. What had transpired the night before made him feel ill, but he still wanted more. He’d had nothing to call his own, but right then he wanted her.

 

“It’s fine. I’m not distracted. I was just thinking-“

 

“-about last night?”

 

She nodded, her chin still in his hand.

 

“What about it? I want to hear.”

 

“I was thinking about how you kissed me.”

 

He leaned in, brushed his lips against hers. She returned the gentle kiss, slow, a stroll to nowhere fast, but God he loved it. It lacked the edge of the night before, the alcohol, and it was so much better for it. He closed his eyes and pretended for a minute they were just two people. She wasn’t Father’s mother, he wasn’t a courser, a thing, they were just two people who needed this.

 

He broke the kiss, happy to see the way she leaned forward, seeking more.

 

This, he liked.

 

“We can still stop and rest,” he offered.

 

Nora’s back straightened at the suggestion, as if she just realized something. She shook her head. “No. I’m not- I don’t need that.”

 

He kept the hurt off his face. She didn’t need to see that. She called the shots, and if she didn’t want him, he wouldn’t push it.

 

And if she did want him? If she wanted what he’d done last night? He’d give her that too, even if it killed him.

 

His feelings didn’t matter; they didn’t control him.

 

#

 

Nora dropped her things on the floor of her house in Sanctuary. The clattering filled the house, echoing off the walls.

 

“So this is the settlement you created?” X6 hadn’t spoken when they’d arrived, just examined the defenses, the layout.

 

“Home, sweet home.”

 

“It lacks the amenities of The Institute.”

 

“Maybe.” Nora walked the house, made sure everything was where she’d left it. Not that she had any reason to believe it wouldn’t be. She had her own home, the one she’d lived in before the war, and no one entered it. Even when Nick had traveled with her, when Deacon had, they never entered her home. It was her own personal hell, a place to remember everything that had gone wrong.  

 

She’d removed the crib one drunken night, thrown it into the middle of the street in front of Codsworth, Preston, and Nick. The next morning it was gone, but she never knew who’d taken it or where.

 

She didn’t really care.

 

X6 could sleep there. He didn’t cloud the space like the rest of them, didn’t demand she feel something, demand she disclose everything to him. She didn’t mind sharing her space with a shadow.

 

Nora pointed into the nursery. “This’ll be your room while we’re here. I’ll have someone bring in a bed and a chest.” She nodded toward her room. “This is my room, and you saw the rest of the place. It’s not fancy, but it’s quiet, and it’s safe.”

 

“Not as safe as the Institute.”

 

“I don’t know. I’ve never had anyone teleport in here.”

 

He huffed from behind her, a sound that said he still didn’t agree.

 

“If you need anything, you can ask Sturges. He knows pretty much everything.”

 

“How long do you plan on remaining here?”

 

Forever. “I don’t know. If you get tired, you’re always free to head back.”

 

X6 shook his head. “I told you, I am here to keep you safe. I will not leave you.”

 

#

 

The radstorm roared outside, the metal house creaking against the onslaught. Most of the holes had been patched, the warmth kept inside despite the winds.

 

X6’s skin tingled from the rads, and even though it didn’t harm it, it always made him uncomfortable. It felt like some deep primal instinct that signaled danger, something that still screamed at him even beneath his programming.

 

Nora had gone to sleep a while before, but X6 didn’t require as much sleep. It had left him to sort through his gear, check for wear and tear, and clean his weapons.

 

A soft sound came from Nora’s room. X6 walked to the doorway and peered in.

 

The bed was empty.

 

A dark shadow darted behind the tree’s outside.

 

Nora.

 

X6 rushed from the house, grabbing his plasma rifle on his way out. He tailed Nora up the hill, watched her disappear down, into the vault.

 

He followed her, through the vault and into the cryo area.

 

He knew her story, knew she’d been frozen here, that they’d gotten Father from here. He’d never gone himself though, never asked her about it. It was history, old history for him.

 

Nora stopped in front of a cryotube, her fingers touching the glass. “I miss you, Nate.”

 

Her husband. Kellogg had killed him when he’d taken Father, an unfortunate accident according to the records. Nora had never spoken of the man, had only worn the wedding ring like a tombstone.

 

She leaned her forehead against the glass, closing her eyes.

 

X6 stepped backward, giving her privacy.

 

She wouldn’t want him to see her like that. It was a private moment between husband and wife, and X6 didn’t belong there, didn’t deserve to be there.

 

He went back to Sanctuary, trusted she’d return safely when she was ready.

 

#

 

Nora walked into her home, her chest a hollow ache.

 

Seeing Nate always did that to her. She didn’t visit him often, only when she had to, when she couldn’t breathe without reminding herself that it had all happened.

 

She’d lay in bed, and for just a moment, she’d think none of it had been real. She’d stare at the ceiling like she had when Nate had slept beside her, the whir of the generators just outside her window, and she’d imagine it hadn’t happened. She would wait to hear Shaun cry, for Nate to roll over and kiss her.

 

He never did, though. So she’d go down to the vault, to the sick alter to him she’d left, and use it remind herself he was gone.

 

No one knew about the vault, knew he stayed there. She wouldn’t ever bring Nick, hadn’t brought Deacon. They’d want to bury him, and she couldn’t explain why she couldn’t.

 

“Having trouble sleeping?” X6 sat on the couch, the glow of the street lights reflecting in his glasses.

 

“Guess so. What are you doing up?”

 

“I don’t require as much sleep. Can I do anything?” The question rolled from his lips easier than it had before, as if he’d grown more comfortable asking her that.

 

Nora walked in front of him and slid down to her knees. She rested her forearms on his legs. “Tell me to stop.”

 

“Why would I do that?”

 

She slid her hands up his thighs, feeling the hard muscle beneath the fabric. He wasn’t thin, not like Nate had been, not like Deacon.

 

Deacon.

 

“What are you thinking?”

 

“Why do you care?”

 

“Your face, it changes sometimes, darkens. What do you think about when that happens?”

 

“Deacon. I see his face.” Her hands continued to the button of his pants. She unsnapped it.

 

“Were you two close?”

 

“We weren’t serious. We would have been, I think, if things had been different.” Nora pulled at the waist of his pants until he lifted his hips. She slid them off, unsurprised to find he wore nothing beneath.

 

“Why do you want this?”

 

Nora paused, frowning. Why?

 

Because she couldn’t imagine not doing this, not being there.

 

“Do you always question women who get on their knees for you?”

 

“I can’t say it happens often enough to develop a pattern.”

 

“Shut up. Unless you’re telling me to stop, don’t speak.”

 

X6’s thighs had gone tight, as if he wanted to react but remained silent instead. Nora pressed her hands against the inside of his knees and pushed them apart, then scooted in closer.

 

She licked her palm, a slow motion that drew a groan from X6. His dick felt warm in her hand, solid against her skin. She drug her tongue up the bottom of his cock, a slow swipe with the flat of her tongue.

 

X6’s hands settled on his legs, knuckles white from the grip. Nora slid his shaft into her mouth, taking him deep. He pressed back to her gag reflex, and she shut her eyes to concentrate.

 

“Slow,” he said, and set a hand in her hair to pull her back.

 

Nora wanted to ignore him, to take him down her throat until nothing existed except their connection, nothing beyond him and her. He didn’t relent though, his hand in her hair, behind her head, where he guided her mouth in shallow motions.

 

“That’s it.” X6 remained in perfect control, like always. His arm flexed as he slid her down his length, his hips still, his face impassive.

 

Maybe that was why this worked, he never seemed affected. Nothing mattered to him and it made him less of a threat, less of a risk.

 

Nora hollowed her cheeks, her hand working the base of his cock while her mouth lavished attention on the head. He groaned, the only reaction beyond the tension in his muscles.

 

“Ma’am, I’m going to come.”

 

His voice, the distant way he spoke, it sent a shiver through her. She drew against his grip, sliding him as far into her mouth as she could, the bite of her scalp drawing a whimper.

 

He came, silent as ever, controlled as ever, filling her mouth. She swallowed, pausing for a moment. He didn’t taste quite human, almost a metallic edge. Nora used her tongue to clean him as he softened until he guided her away from him.

 

Nora rested her head on his thigh, the leather cool against her cheek.

 

“Thank you,” he said. “That was. . . pleasant.”

 

Nora smiled at his tone, at the uncertainty. Reading him had become easier, tiny inflections in his voice giving away hints at what he thought, what he felt.

 

He ran his hand through her hair, the touch of a pleased lover, and it stole the moment away.

 

Nora scrambled backward, away from him, away from the touch, away from it all.

 

“Don’t do that.”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Don’t touch me like that.”

 

#

 

X6 kept his face passive. “Touch you like what, Ma’am?”

 

“Like you like me.” She stayed on the ground, out of his reach.

 

X6 tucked himself back into his pants. “What if I do like you? Why does that idea send you running?”

 

She didn’t speak at first, and when she did he had to concentrate to connect the ideas. “Do you know why I didn’t want Hancock? Because he wanted too much. He touches me like I’m important, like I’m something good in the world. Deacon used to do that, too. He’d kiss me like he’d never get enough, like I was some special thing that he’d been looking for.”

 

“And you thought I wouldn’t feel that way?”

 

“You’re not exactly known for warm fuzzies. I thought it could be simple, just bodies and-“

 

“-and pain?”

 

She broke the gaze. “Yeah, that too.”

 

“Why? Why do you want me to hurt you? To treat you like that?”

 

“Because it’s what I deserve.” She stared at her hands as she spread them out, drew them into fists, repeated the action. “After everything I’ve done, it’s what I should have.”

 

X6 said nothing back. Her reasoning made little sense to him. She’d done what she had to, followed orders and carried out an important mission. She’d helped secure the future of The Institute, so why the grief?

 

“Does it help? When I inflict pain on you, does it help?” He forced the words out, ignoring the way they stuck in his throat like rotten food.

 

“Yeah, it does.”

 

What did his feelings matter, really? Nothing but 1’s and 0’s in code. If it helped her, if she wanted it, he could stomach anything, do anything.

 

“Aright. Tell me when you need me.”


	3. Chapter 3

Nora knelt in the soil of the garden behind the main house, dirt beneath her fingernails. She’d never been any good at growing crops, which was why she’d been relegated to this tiny patch of soil and barred from entering their real farming space.

 

“Those are some sad excuses for Tato’s,” Nick said as he came around the corner.

 

“Well then, you don’t have to eat them.”

 

“It’s times like this I’m grateful I don’t have to eat.”

 

“Shut up and make yourself useful. Pull some weeds already.”

 

Nick dropped to the dirt beside her. “Surprised X6 isn’t out here.”

 

“He’s more worthless with plants than I am. I promised him I wouldn’t make him help; gave him a turn at guard duty instead. He’s a hell of a lot more comfortable with a gun than with a rake.”

 

Nick pulled a weed and tossed it into the barrel beside them. “So when are you going to tell me?”

 

“Tell you what?”

 

“About what happened that’s eating away at you. Don’t think I don’t notice. Don’t think I don’t see it.”

 

Nora sat back, resting her butt on her heels, met by Nick’s knowing yellow gaze. “I killed them,” she whispered. “Dez. Deacon. Tom. All of them.”

 

Nick nodded, but she saw no shock. He’d already known. Stupid to have thought she could keep anything from him. “I figured as much. Not sure there’s another dame alive who could take them out like that.”

 

“Why aren’t you yelling at me?”

 

“What would that do? They’re gone. Can’t say I approve, but, hell, can’t say what I’d have done either. I think back to when Jenny died, to what I would have done for her, and I just don’t know. I think I’m gonna head back to Diamond City for a while, though.”

 

“You’re leaving me?”

 

“No, not exactly. I’m just taking a break. When I met you, you had this fire, wanted to make things right. Killing them off isn’t making things right, it isn’t helping anyone. I get why you did it, I do. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. I just can’t watch it happen, can’t sit by while you do this.”

 

“Do you hate me?”

 

Nick wouldn’t meet her eyes. “No, I don’t hate you. I think you hate yourself quite enough for all of us. We’ve all gotta live with the choices you make, though, and I think I could use some breathing space.”

 

Nora stayed put while Nick stood and dusted off his pants.

 

“Take care of yourself, Nora.”

 

He’d called her Nora. Not Doll. Not sweetheart, but Nora.

 

The name drew blood.

 

#

 

“How are the plants?” X6 asked Nora when she walked into the house.

 

Nora didn’t look up. “Fine,” she whispered and passed him.

 

X6 reached out and caught her hand before she passed. She yanked her hand away as if his touch burned. “Don’t touch me.”

 

He stood, rising to his full height. “What is wrong with you?”

 

Nora walked up and shoved him, hard.

 

“Stop this.”

 

“Make me.”

 

X6 lifted one eyebrow. “You are outmatched, Ma’am, and you’re not mad at me. Stop before you get hurt.”

 

Nora threw a punch, but X6 doubted she meant anything by it. He’d seen her hit harder, aim better. He dodged the blow and grabbed her arm, yanking her against him, trapping her body against his. He held both her hands in one of his, her struggles hardly registering against his strength. “Stop.”

 

“No.” She swung her head back, but he shifted to avoid a broken nose. The movement loosened his grip, and Nora took advantage by driving her elbow into his side.

 

X6 moved back, pinning his arm to his side to avoid another strike.

 

She was fast, he’d give her that.

 

“You don’t want to fight me,” he told her.

 

“I really, really do.”

 

X6 ended the fight with ease, leaping at her and taking her to the floor, careful to shield the back of her head. He didn’t need her with a concussion. His body pinned her, his hands gripping hers, his knees between hers, his pelvis holding hers down. She struggled for a moment, but to no avail.

 

“What happened?”

 

“You said you’d help me.”

 

“Talk to me so I can.”

 

Nora’s gaze darted away. “Nick found out what I did. He left.”

 

“I am sorry.” He was. He didn’t care for the synth, for his moral code. X6 had his own, everyone did, but Valentine’s was too strict. Still, he’d been a good friend to Nora, and his leaving would hurt her.

 

“I need you.”

 

“Look at me.”

 

She shook her head. “I can’t.”

 

“Because then it’s real? Then you’re really here, with me?”

 

“Yes. Then I really killed Deacon, and I’m here fucking the man who helped me do it.”

 

X6 shoved the sting down, the pain from those words. Eyes on the mission. He gripped her hips and rolled her over, placing her on all four. For the first time, she didn’t fight him. He undid her pants and slid them down to her knees.

 

“Try to relax.” X6 pulled his gloves off, dropping them on the floor. Then he shrugged off his coat, and undid his pants.

 

Nora jerked when he touched her slit. When she tried to move away, he grabbed her hip. “Stay still.”

 

“I don’t need that.”

 

He slapped her ass, harder than he’d have wanted to, but not nearly as hard as she’d have asked him to. “Quiet.”

 

He pressed between her shoulder blades until her chest met the floor, ass still in the air. He pressed his fingers into her, sending out a silent thank you that she was wet. The idea of taking her like the last time still haunted him, and this was progress, at least.

 

His thumb found her clit while he slid his fingers in and out of her cunt. She spread her knees as far as the pants would allow.

 

This was what he wanted. Her breathless, and needy, and wanting. Even the red hand print on her ass didn’t bother him, not with the way her hips moved, seeking more of him. She might refuse to look at him, but hell, he probably didn’t deserve that. This was more than he’d ever thought he’d get.

 

Her breathing had turned erratic, and he knew she was close. He kept going, trying to get her there, but she shook her head and tried to move away.

 

He held her hip again, holding her still. “Let go, Ma’am. It’s alright.”

 

“I can’t. Please, don’t make me.” Her voice cracked, and even with her face turn away from him, he knew she was crying.

 

He pulled his hand away from her slit. “Alright. I won’t. Do you want me to stop?”

 

“No. Please, X6, fuck me.”

 

His name on her lips pulled a groan from him. She might not look at him, but at least she knew who it was behind her. He pressed his cock against her folds, then slid in.

 

It made a mockery of the last time. Her body was still tight, but fuck, it was warm and wet and perfect. She pulsed around him, each slide drawing a gasp from her.

 

Her fingers scratched into the floor of the house as if she could stop the orgasm that her body still wanted by sheer will. Then again, if anyone could, it would be Nora.

 

He held her hips, the skin softer than he’d expected, flushed. He didn’t thrust hard, even when she pushed back, wanting more. He keep his speed slow, letting the moment wash away what had happened before. He wouldn’t have to wash blood off him this time.

 

“I can’t take much more.” Her body writhed against the floor, both seeking and avoiding.

 

“Okay. I can stop.”

 

“No. I want you to-“ She hesitated. “I want you to finish.”

 

“You’re sure?”

 

She nodded, nails still clawing grooves into the flooring.

 

X6 gripped her harder and sped up, chasing his own release. He’d give her anything she wanted. It only took him a moment, with his mind set to the task, before he filled her and shuddered, leaning forward. He pressed a kiss between her shoulder blades, grateful when she ignored it rather than shoved him away.

 

He slid from her body and sat back, hands still rubbing at her skin. “Are you alright?”

 

“I don’t know.” She stared at a wall across the room, still refusing to look at him. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be alright.”

 

X6 stood and pulled his clothing back on. He wanted to help her, but he knew she wouldn’t accept it. When he walked toward the door, her voice had him pausing. “Thank you, X6. I know you do this because it’s what I want. I know I’m using you, and I’m sorry for that. But, thank you.”

 

He nodded, the words only burning him more. Everyone used him.

 

But he’d take what he could get.


	4. Chapter 4

The sun soaked into Nora’s skin as she laid on the roof of her house. She closed her eyes and imagined it searing away everything, cleansing her.

 

“You will burn.” X6 cast a shadow over her.

 

“So?”

 

“That will damage you.”

 

Nora opened one eye. “Not as much as I’ll damage you if you don’t move.”

 

He sat down beside her. “You make a lot of empty threats.”

 

“They aren’t empty to most people. Ask Kellogg.”

 

“Well, you’ve yet to follow through with me. Perhaps my company is not as objectionable as you pretend.”

 

Nora couldn’t help the smile. “Perhaps.”

 

“This place is not as terrible as I expected.”

 

“It’s not too bad. Quiet, private. It’s the closest thing I have to a home.”

 

“I have never had a home other than The Institute. This is. . . different, but nice.”

 

“Have you ever wanted a home?”

 

X6 shifted, a subtle move that caught Nora’s attention. He rarely showed discomfort, but she’d gotten better at noticing it. “I am a synth, Ma’am. Homes are for people.”

 

“You’re a person.”

 

“You don’t believe that.”

 

“How can you say that?”

 

The leather of his gloves creaked as he opened his hands then closed them. “You ask me to hurt you, even though you know it bothers me. Would you ask that of a person? Would you ever have asked Deacon to do such a thing if he did not want to?”

 

The name was a blade to Nora’s chest, but she tried to focus. “No, I suppose I wouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”

 

“You don’t need to be sorry. I’m not a person. The fact that you are aware of it, that you treat me as a tool, a weapon, simply means you are smart.”

 

Nora went to respond, but X6 stood, signaling the end to that conversation.

 

“I’m going to check in with Garvey about the defenses. Try not to burn, Ma’am.”

 

#

 

X6 dodged MacCready’s punch and countered with an elbow to the young man’s jaw. He pulled the strike, so it would sting rather than break the bone. “You must anticipate your opponent’s openings. Ideally, do not give them any.”

 

MacCready backed away, rubbing his jaw. “I prefer to just kill them from a distance.”

 

“A good plan, but not always possible. Functional hand to hand combat skills will keep you alive when you find yourself too close to a target, and it will happen.”

 

Garvey had asked X6 to do a few training classes to help, and while X6 refused to offer any institute secrets, he agreed to help for Nora’s sake. The people she kept close were woefully unprepared for real combat.

 

He’d spent years training as a courser, and while he wouldn’t expect those in Sanctuary to match his skill, he wanted them trained well enough to protect the settlement Nora had created. So he’d decided to run a hand to hand combat exercise.

 

A few had shown up. Four minutemen soldiers, a few settlers, MacCready, Curie, and Piper. After two hours, however, only MacCready and Curie remained.

 

“Alright, that’s enough.” Nora walked into the clearing they had used as their practice area.

 

“They have only practiced for two hours.”

 

“For us humans, we need rest. We can’t just keep going like you synths.”

 

“But I am a synth,” Curie said.

 

“You are not a courser. Go on, you two. Go eat something. You can get back to this tomorrow.”

 

Once they left, X6 turned to face Nora. “They lack proper training.”

 

“And they won’t get it in one night.”

 

“They lack discipline.”

 

“This isn’t the Institute. You can’t work them that hard. Besides, they’ve managed staying alive out here on their own for a long time. They may not have your discipline, but they’ve done pretty well. Why are you worried, anyway?”

 

X6 crossed his arms. “You have built a home for yourself here. I do not wish to see it destroyed because those living here were unable to defend it.”

 

“You’re worried about keeping my home safe?” Nora took a step back and began to pace. “Why?”

 

“It is important to you, and I find that makes it important to me.”

 

She stopped in front of him. “So what were you teaching them?”

 

“Basic hand to hand defense.”

 

“Show me.”

 

X6 cocked up an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

 

“I want to see what you were teaching them. Come on, show me.” Nora lifted her hands and crouched slightly.

 

“You are always trying to fight with me.”

 

“So show me how to do it right.” Nora threw a punch, and he blocked it.

 

“You swing your arm out too far. You need to pull it in closer to your body. It is easier to block when arced like that.”

 

Nora swung again, and when he blocked, brought her knee up into his ribs.

 

The air rushed from his lungs, but X6 reacted out of instinct. He slammed his heel into the back of her knee and grasped her neck as he pinned her to the dirt.

 

As soon as her body stilled, he recoiled. He hadn’t meant to be so rough. “I’m sorry, Ma’am. I meant to pull the strike more. Are you alright?” He took his hand off her throat and hopped up to a kneel beside her.

 

Nora got up to her knees. “Do it again.”

 

“What? No.”

 

“Come on. We’ve danced around this, dipped our toes in it. Let’s try it once. Really try it.”

 

X6 shook his head. “I don’t want to hurt you. What happened that first night was bad enough, but this? This is too far.”

 

“Please. I want to know. I have to know.”

 

“Know what? What are you looking for?”

 

“I want to feel like I suffered, like I was punished for what I did. I want to be able to get past what I did, but I haven’t paid for it. I want to pay for it.”

 

“And you think me hurting you will pay for it?”

 

“I think maybe it’s a start.”

 

X6 rubbed his hands against his thighs. He wasn’t a stranger to violence. It went hand in hand with his work as a courser. He’d never hurt anyone he cared about, though. Never someone who wasn’t an enemy.

 

“What if I seriously injure you? I am much stronger than you. I don’t think I could forgive myself if I damaged you.”

 

“You won’t. I promise, I can take it. Please.”

 

His chest cranked down like a vice, and he couldn’t draw air into full breaths. She was asking him for help, though. He wanted to please her, to do what she wanted, to give her what she’d asked for. What was worse was he could say no. He could walk away, but damnit, he wanted to do this for her. He wanted to take care of her. 

 

X6 struggled to force his lungs to work, then swung his hand, backhanding her. He didn’t use all his force, but it was enough to knock her down.

 

Her body, sprawled out in the dirt, the blood that leaked from a new cut on her lip, they worsened the pain in his chest.

 

He scrambled backward, away from her, away from the whole fucking nightmare.

 

She called his name, but it came across as static. He took off in the opposite direction, his hand stinging from the strike, his stomach in knots.

 

Never again.

 

Never fucking again.


	5. Chapter 5

Nora followed X6. He couldn’t have been thinking straight, because she knew he could lose her if he wanted. Hell, he could just transport to the Institute if he’d needed space. About a mile away she found him, his ass against a boulder, body leaned forward, struggling to breathe.

 

She’d done this to him.

 

How could she have done this to him?

 

She placed her hand on his shoulder, but he jerked away.

 

“It’s alright. Sit down, okay?” She took his arm and got him to sit on a rock, then pressed his shoulder blades until he dropped his head between his knees. If she didn’t get his breathing under control he was going to pass out.

 

Nora crouched in front of him, rubbing her hands up and down his arms. He shook.

 

“Nice and slow. Try to breathe with me, slow.”

 

She stayed with him until he’d slowed his breathing. “That’s better.”

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

 

“Nothing to be sorry about.”

 

“You asked me for something simple. I should have been able to comply.” He lifted his head and met her gaze.

 

Nora reached up and removed his sunglasses, setting them beside him. “No. I should have never asked you to do it. I should have realized you’d do more than was good for you just because I asked it of you. Should have realized you wouldn’t say no.”

 

X6 touched her cheek, and she winced. “I damaged you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

“I won’t ask you again.”

 

“I don’t want you to go to anyone else for it. I can’t protect you, then. I can’t keep you safe.”

 

She turned her face into his hand and kissed his palm. “I won’t. I don’t know what’s going to happen, I don’t know how to fix what’s in my head, but I promise, no more of this. I won’t ask you to hurt me and I won’t ask anyone else to, either.”

 

“You are important to me. Beyond Father, beyond the Institute, beyond any mission. You are important to me, Nora.”

 

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make this right.”

 

X6 brushed his lips against hers. “Let me have you tonight, the way I want you, the way I’ve always wanted you. Not to hurt you, not about pain, or about the past. Just about us, tonight.”

 

Nora wanted to say no. Her head screamed that she couldn’t do it, that she didn’t deserve it, that Deacon was rotting somewhere because of her. Then she met X6’s gaze and found herself nodding.

 

Even if she didn’t deserve shit, he did. She’d hurt him far more than he’d hurt her, and he wanted this, needed it.

 

She could give it to him.

 

“Okay.”

 

#

 

X6 clutched Nora’s hand as they walked back to the house in silence.

 

She’d said okay. She was going to let him have her. He couldn’t believe it, couldn’t accept she’d really be with him. He stayed silent so he didn’t break whatever spell the two were under.

 

They got back to the house, and he shut them inside her bedroom.

 

Nora stood by the bed, her shoulders rigid, her face unsure.

 

X6 prepared himself to tell her it was okay, that she could back out, but as if she read it on his face, she reached down and pulled her shirt over her head. “I want to.”

 

He nodded and went about removing his clothing as well. After a moment, they both stood, naked, neither seeming willing to bridge the distance.

 

They’d had sex twice, but they stood like strangers, like two people with no idea how to act around each other.

 

He walked closer until he stood inches away. “Are you nervous?”

 

“Yes. I don’t know what to do.”

 

X6 bridge the distance by pulling her against him. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of everything.” He kissed her as he eased her back onto the bed. She moved with him, pliant for the first time since he’d known her.

 

She didn’t fight him, didn’t try to make it a contest. She was just there, with him. He slid his hand up her side, tracing his fingers over each rib before cupping her breast. She moaned, and he swallowed the sound, savoring it.

 

It had been far too long since he’d gotten to be with someone like this. The last time was a synth, a worker in the bioscience department. After she had run, though, he’d been forced to use her recall code and drag her back. He’d refused to sleep with synths since then. He’d never do that again, to have to destroy something he’d touched like that again.

 

But he didn’t have to worry about that with Nora. His entire job was to care for her, and if that meant he got to pleasure her, he got to touch her and be with her, that was fine with him.

 

He pressed his hands against her thighs, spreading her, as he scooted down the bed. “Beautiful,” he whispered, voice full of reverence.

 

She tensed, but he pressed a kiss to the inside of her thigh. “Relax for me, please.”

 

“I don’t know how. This feels. . . weird. Intimate.”

 

“Do you want me to stop?”

 

She shook her head, so he lavished gentle kisses to one thigh, then the next, from her knee up to the crease inside her thigh, a breath from her cunt. With each kiss, she eased a bit, her muscles loosening.

 

Once she seemed as relaxed as she would get, he pressed a kiss to her cleft. She jerked up, hand reaching up to his head. He stilled. Would she tell him to stop?

 

After a few breaths, she pulled her hand away and settled back again.

 

He ran his tongue up her slit, pushing in, savoring the taste. He’d dreamed about this, thought about it for more than was appropriate. He’d imagine her pushing him to his knees after a fight, shoving his face between her legs, demanding he pleasure her. And he’d do it, only too happy to. Other times, he dreamed about him being aggressive, about him setting her on a desk and feasting on her, making her scream until she begged him to stop.

 

None of that came close to how it felt in that moment, the way her legs fell open, the way she welcomed him, gave him access to whatever he wanted. He took his thumbs and spread her wider, giving his tongue more access. He pressed his tongue in deeper, then focused it on her clit. She whimpered, soft sounds she tried to hold in. She pressed her hand over her mouth, but he nipped at her folds in mock punishment. “Come on, Ma’am, I want to hear you. Don’t take that away from me.”

 

Her hand lowered, and her moans filled the room.

 

He sealed his lips around her clit and sucked, hard. Her back arched up off the bed, but he pulled off before she came.

 

X6 crawled up her body, falling into the cradle of her pelvic. “You ready?”

 

She captured his lips in a kiss. Better than a yes, he figured, as he slid into her warmth.

 

“This is how I always wanted you,” he confessed as he broke the kiss. “From the first time I saw you, I wanted this, slow, easy. Never figured I’d deserve you enough to get it; I know I didn’t earn it.”

 

“You deserve it.” Her breath hitched as he pressed deeper into her. “You don’t think enough of yourself.”

 

“I’m a thing, Ma’am.” When she went to respond, he thrust in hard to distract her. “Don’t argue. It’s true. I’m a machine, I don’t deserve someone like you. I’m just thankful you let me have you anyway. Whether or not I deserve it, I don’t plan to throw it away.”

 

“You’re more than a machine to me.”

 

He pressed his face into her neck, his thrusting speeding as they both neared their climaxes. Her cunt squeezed around him, tiny pulses that told him she was almost there. He wished she was right, that she saw him as more, but he couldn't believe it. She was smart, too smart to fall for the bullshit the Railroad had peddled, too smart to believe he was anything but a weapon. Still, a tiny part of him basked in that lie, in the fantasy that she saw him as a man, as more than just a synth, more than a courser. “I’m not, but that’s okay. I’m alright with what I am. And as long as I’m here with you, I don’t give a fuck what I am other than lucky.”

 

She came, pulling his orgasm from him as she tightened around him. He rolled, pulling her on top of him, yanking a blanket over them both to keep away the chill.

 

He might be a machine, but he dared anyone to take this from him.


	6. Chapter 6

 

Nora’s cheeks flushed as X6 walked up the fire beside her. What was she doing? She was an adult, a fighter, a fucking force of nature. She wasn’t some girl with a crush, why was she acting smitten?

 

Still, the night before, it had stuck with her. She’d always seen him as something unshakable, as a trained soldier. To witness his breakdown, one she caused, it had startled her. She had to face that he really was a person, that she’d pushed him too far, that she’d abused him. When he’d reacted not by lashing out, but by spending the night with her, by treating her like she mattered, it had soothed injuries she’d thought would never feel better.

 

“Good morning, Ma’am,” he said before he sat beside her.

 

Nora’s Pipboy offered the time: 4:20am. “I’ve always said it isn’t morning until the sun rises. And you don’t have to call me Ma’am. Aren’t we a little beyond that?”

 

“I like calling you Ma’am.” He smiled, a soft look that didn’t quite fit on his face.

 

Nora sighed, leaning forward. What were they doing? Where could this possibly go? She could have ended it before, maybe, but now? She only sunk deeper into it.

 

“Do you regret it?”

 

She didn’t bother to ask what it was, or pretend not to understand. “No. Do you?”

 

“No. It would be hard to regret one of the best nights of my life.”

 

And didn’t that make it all the worse? Nora closed her eyes and shook her head.

 

“Why does that bother you?”

 

“Because you deserve a lot better. You think you’re just a machine, but you’re not. You’re so much more than that and I wish you saw that. I wish you saw just how fucking amazing you are.”

 

“You deserve more, too.”

 

“Like hell. After what I’ve done, I don’t deserve anything but a well-placed bullet.”

 

“I don’t like it when you talk like that.” He scooted closer until his arm pressed against hers. She realized that he hadn’t put back on his coat or gloves, so his bare skin below his shirt touched her. It made him look casual, helped him slip out of the courser role, made him look like something more. “You are not the monster you think you are. No more than the rest of us. Life hasn’t been fair to you. You lost your husband, your child, your whole world. You woke up in this new world and were forced to fight through it, to struggle for survival, and eventually to decide who would live and who would not. That is not a weight any one person should carry.”

 

She didn’t respond, couldn’t.

 

“Did you know you have nightmares? You’ve had them almost every night, though you do not always wake.”

 

“Yeah. Why do you think I’m out here?”

 

“What are your nightmares about?”

 

Nora leaned closer to X6, resting her head on his shoulder. Such natural touches, things any couple might do. But they weren’t any couple, where they? Hell, they weren’t even a couple. Just two people who wanting things but couldn’t seem to find them. “Different things. Sometimes it’s about Nate about Shaun. I’d watch while they were both taken from me, while I did nothing to save them. Lately it’s been the Railroad, though. I’ll see Deacon’s face, that recognition when he realizes why I’m there.”

 

“I’m sorry. I should have never allowed you to do that. I- I didn’t know, at the time, what it would do to you.”

 

“You can’t protect me from everything.”

 

“Perhaps not, but I can try.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “So, what does this all mean now? What do we do from here?”

 

Nora shrugged but snuggled in closer. A yawn slid from her lips. “I don’t know. I’ve taken advantage of you, made you do whatever I wanted. I never really asked you this before, but what do you want?”

 

“I want you, like this.” His wrapped an arm around her, settling her against his chest. “Nothing more.”

 

She smiled, another yawn escaping. “Aren’t you easy to please?”

 

“Perhaps. Now, go on, back to bed. Morning will come soon.”

 

Nora laughed, offering a kiss before heading back to her house. To their house?

 

#

 

X6 couldn’t help but smile as she walked away. She seemed better this morning. Not fixed, but at least somewhat mended, like the night before had healed some part of her. She seemed open to the idea of them for the first time. Perhaps she wasn’t rushing into anything, but she approached it as something that could happen.

 

“X6-88.” A voice to his side had him lifting his rifle without a second thought.

 

The man lifted his hands. No, not a man, a synth. A courser, like him.

 

“What do you want?”

 

“Father sent me. His mother has not made contact. He wants you to return her to The Institute.”

 

“Father was clear that she was free to go as she wishes. Has that changed?”

 

“No. He simply wants to ensure she is safe, and address any issues that have caused the rift.” The courser frowned, then stared back at Nora’s house. “I saw you two. That is not appropriate behavior. You are too close to this.”

 

“That is none of your business.”

 

“It is when it affects the mission, and right now it seems to be. Are you doing what is best for The Institute, or what is best for her?”

 

“You know what Father has planned for her. Are you sure they are different things?”

 

The courser crossed his arms. “They may be. Are you refusing the order? Will you not bring her back?”

 

No. He knew it as soon as the courser asked. He wouldn’t force Nora to do a damned thing she didn’t want to do. She’d spent too much of her short life forced into situations, forced to react. He’d never push that on her again, no matter what it meant for him. She deserved more than to be a pawn for others to use as they pleased.

 

“She does not wish to return right now, and I will not force her to. Should she want to return, I will escort her back. The choice is hers.”

 

“Very well. I’ll make sure Father receives a full report on this. . . situation.”

 

The courser turned and left, and X6 finally lowered the weapon. Well, if those words weren’t a threat, he didn’t know what was. This situation would not go away. Father was nothing if not persistent.

 

This had the potential to become complicated, and fast.


	7. Chapter 7

 

“It’s amazing that they always move back in. I mean, I kill the raiders here, but within a couple weeks there are always more. I would think eventually they’d realize, maybe this isn’t a great place to settle.” Nora ducked around a corner to shoot another raider in the streets of Concord.

 

“If you ignore the repeated slaughtering that occurs, this town isn’t a bad set up, tactically speaking. Snipers on the roofs and a good wall, this place would turn into a fortress.” X6 picked off another two raiders between words, like none of this winded him at all.

 

Then again, it didn’t seem to. She’d never seen stamina like he had.

 

“Are you actually giving advice to the raiders? Stop helping the raiders!”

 

“I am simply pointing out why they keep trying to claim this city.”

 

Another few minutes of exchanging fire, and they’d cleared the place, again. Not that it would be the last time; Nora had grown used to having to do this over and over, stuck in some stupid loop where people never learn.

 

X6 walked over to her, tilting her face to check for damage. She’d found he did it often, like he had to physically make sure she was alright after a fight. It was sweet and a bit odd. “Injuries?”

 

“No. I’m fine.”

 

He flashed her a smile, then undid the button of her pants. He had them down to her thighs before he turned her. She set her hands on the wall to steady herself, not that he’d ever let her fall.

 

X6 pulled his gloves off and stuffed them into his pocket before pressing his fingers against her slit. His other hand gripped her hip. “I love how wet you always are for me, always so quick to want me.”

 

He’d gotten more aggressive since their first real night together, like he’d finally realized she wanted him, like he’d gotten permission to want her in return. Gone was that proper distance he’d held before, the one that had him following her lead. He was never rough with her, never hurt her, but he took more, gave more, was quick to touch her and have her.

 

“Are you going to fuck me?”

 

He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her shoulder, into the skin that the tank top didn’t cover. “Oh, yes, I am. Do you want me to?”

 

Stupid question, she always wanted him to. She couldn’t help it. Touching him, having him had become a need for her. Still, she answered, breathless and desperate. “Yes.”

 

“Beg me. I want to hear it, to know you want me, just me.” Another quirk, she’d found. He was surprisingly jealous, and always had some undercurrent of fear that she’d throw him away, that she didn’t really want him at all. Even with everything they’d been through, he didn’t think he was worth of her, didn’t see himself as a person. She tried to ease that fear, but it never seemed to leave him.

 

Nora wrapped a hand behind her, cupping the back of his neck while she leaned her head back against his shoulder. “Please, fuck me X6. I need you.”

 

Those words drove him crazy, and this time was no different. He pressed his cock into her, able to take her quickly, deep, her body already craving him, adjusting with ease. She loved the slight sting whenever he pushed into in one thrust, the way he used the strength of his body against her.

 

Nora went forward again, bracing against the wall as his thrusts sped up. His free hand wrapped around her to rub her clit. She spread her feet as far as the pants at her thighs allowed.

 

His lips toys with her ear. “You look beautiful like this, wrapped around me, panting. I’m never going to get enough of you.”

 

He did that, too, always whispering things to her, while they fucked, while they cuddled, anywhere. He’d lean over in a group of people and tell her how much he wanted her, how beautiful she was. Sweet nothings to soothe all those broken places inside her, the ones that still bled. He bandaged them with those words, healing the tiny fractures a bit at a time.

 

His lips found her neck, lavishing kisses before he pinched her clit, had enough for her to come. He shoved in harder as he came, her body squeezing around his, the broken panting of his breath the only proof he’d been effected at all.

 

But that was one of the things she loved, to make him lose his cool, to show any sign that he cared, that he wasn’t 100% calm and collected. He was in control of everything around him, all his emotions, the whole world. When that exterior cracked, when she was able to steal away that control, she felt powerful and wanted and like maybe she wasn’t the disaster she believed herself to be.

 

He pulled out of her after pressing one more kiss to the side of her throat. They cleaned off and dressed in silence before going to loot the bodies.

 

Yeah, she could get used to this.

 

#

 

“Go on, Ma’am. I’ll finish up here. You look tired.”

 

Nora lifted one eyebrow. “And who wore me out, huh?”

 

X6 pulled her in for one more kiss. Always one more. He’d never get enough of her, never find his fill. Touching her had turned into an addiction, something he craved, something he hadn’t realized he needed but now couldn’t survive without. “The same person who is now telling you to go rest. I will finish checking the bodies for valuables, and stay here until the minutemen arrive to clear the bodies.”

 

She sighed against his lips, but he knew he’d won. “Alright. Don’t stay too long, though, I’m not done with you.” She tossed him a wink before she headed up toward Sanctuary.

 

X6 smiled as she walked away. He’d never thought he’d find contentment like this, a feeling of having something. Belonging wasn’t difficult, as little more than a useful tool, he’d belonged a lot. He just never had something of his own, and that’s what Nora gave him.

 

“X6-88.”

 

He had his gun up and pointed as he realized it was another courser. “What do you want?”

 

“Father has requested your presence.”

 

“What does he want?” The words shocked even X6. He had never, in his entire life, asked such a thing. What Father wanted was none of his business. He needed to respond, to follow the command without complaint or comment.

 

But he. . . . couldn’t.

 

Instead, he continued. “It would leave his mother unprotected. That is an unacceptable risk.”

 

“I have been assigned to watch her.”

 

“How do I know you will not attempt to force her back to the Institute?”

 

The courser tilted his head, like X6 had changed, like he was suddenly different, and like that change was unwelcome. “I assure you, I have no wish to harm her. I will trade my life for hers to protect her.”

 

He didn’t want to go. It wasn’t just worry for her, either. When he was with her he felt. . . real. For the first time ever, he felt important beyond his usefulness to someone else. He mattered to someone, and the idea of heading back to the Institute, and being seen again as nothing more than a tool, it made him uneasy.

 

But he couldn’t say no.

 

Not only because it would endanger Nora, but because he was still, at his core, a courser. He was a weapon, and he had to follow his maker’s orders.

 

“I should return to Nora and explain the situation to her.”

 

“You can’t. Father was clear, you are to return immediately. I will advise her of the situation.”

 

Not even a goodbye. “Will I be allowed to return?”

 

“That is not up to me or you. That will be up to Father.”

 

Right. . . because tools didn’t get to make their own choices.

 

He took one last look in the direction Nora had gone before relaying back to the Institute.


	8. Chapter 8

 

Nora eyed the courser who walked up, dressed like X6 but nothing like her X6.

 

Hers?

 

Fuck yeah, he was hers.

 

“Where’s X6?”

 

He stopped a few feet away. “He returned to the Institute. My designation is X3-45.”

 

“Why? He wouldn’t just go back without telling me.”

 

“There are some concerns about his conduct. He was returned to undergo testing. I will take his place as your protection. I can assure you, I am able to perform as well as he has.”

 

“Testing?” The word shoved Nora’s anger a level higher. The idea of X6 in some lab, poked and prodded, had her hands shaking. “And what conduct? I’ve been the one with him, and I can assure you, he’s performed just fine.”

 

X3 came closer until he stood just before her. “He has become far too attached to you. He is questioning orders; he is distracted.”

 

“Attached to me?”

 

“Yes. It was clear he was sleeping with you.”

 

“Who I sleep with is none of your fucking business,” Nora said, voice low, while she poked X3 in the center of his chest.

 

“You are correct. Sex was not the issue. Coursers are trained for such activities. However, we are to remain detached. X6 has not done that. He has developed feelings outside of the acceptable parameters. If that is your concern, that you have lost your partner, I can again assure you, I can perform as well as he did.”

 

“Trained?” The word made her stomach turn, especially at the way X6 had given in so easily. Had he done so because he’d been trained to? Because he felt like he had to?

 

X3 nodded, face clear, like the topic was of no consequence to him. “Yes, of course. So if that is your worry, that those specific needs will not be addressed, you need not worry. I can satisfy any needs you may have.”

 

“Let me make something clear. You touch me? We’re going to have a serious problem. Now, I need to go talk to my son about this.”

 

#

 

Shaun smiled when Nora walked in, like it was the best surprise of the day. “Mother, I’m glad you’re here.”

 

“Why did you have them take X6 away?”

 

He halted, frowning. “X6 was in need of testing. I was worried for your safety.”

 

“Don’t play that game with me. He isn’t something to just yank back here whenever you want.”

 

“Actually, that is exactly what he is. I assigned him to you for your protection. Given his strange behavior, I am afraid I can’t trust him to do that job. X3 will replace him.” Shaun spoke slowly, like he was trying to be kind, like he didn’t want to upset her. He spoke to her like he was the parent trying to talk their child out of having a temper tantrum.

 

And right then? Nora wanted to have one hell of a temper tantrum.

 

“Shaun, I want X6 back. I don’t want X3.”

 

“The relationship you two have is neither healthy nor normal. Trust me, Mother, I’ve dealt with synths a long time. When they become attached like this, it can be dangerous. They can be distracted, deal with the feelings the wrong way. We’ve had violence before.”

 

“There’s violence everywhere. Why would we think synths were immune to that? I’ve done everything you’ve asked me to do, Shaun, and I’ve asked you for nothing. I killed my friends because you said it needed to be done. The only thing I’m asking from you is to give me X6.” She was so close to begging. The fact was, she didn’t have many choices. It wasn’t like she could shoot her way out of the Institute. She’d already done away with their biggest threat by killing off the Railroad. Shaun had to agree or X6 could be there forever. Hell, they could reset him.

 

The idea had sweat breaking out over her brow.

 

“You want this even knowing the risks?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I can’t promise you’ll be safe with him.”

 

“I know I am.”

 

Shaun rubbed his hand against the back of his neck. “Fine. Understand that whatever this is between you is not healthy and I do not condone it. However, you have done as I’ve asked and so I’ll grant you this. Go to SRB, Ayo will release X6 to you.”

 

#

 

X6 sat on the bed in his tiny cell. He had nothing else inside there, just white walls and himself. They’d taken his outfit, his weapons, even his sunglasses. He wore nothing but a pair of white shorts and a white shirt.

 

Everything was white.

 

He felt like a toy, an object there in the middle of their lab, nothing of his own. They’d watched him while he stripped, taking away all his things. He’d followed their orders with the calm detachment he lived with.

 

They’d asked him questions, most of which he’d answered honestly. Not all, though, to his amazement.

 

He’d refused to answer questions about Nora, about their time together. It felt wrong to disclose, to tell them about how she’d wanted him to hurt her, about how they’d moved past that. That, both the ugliness and the way they’d mended it, that was for him and for her, not for the ears of scientists.

 

It was. . . his.

 

So he’d refused to answer when they wanted details. He’d admitted his feelings for her, but that was it.

 

And now he was trapped in this cell waiting for something. Maybe for a reset? Maybe they’d decide that he’d failed as a courser, that he was worth more as a synth body they could retrain and start over with.

 

Was he broken? What he felt for Nora wasn’t normal, it was that pesky attachment they’d warned him about. Normal or not, it was the most important thing to him. It meant more to him than the Institute, or Father, or anything else.

 

The door slid open, and he expected to see another scientist, another doctor, perhaps even Father coming to question him.

 

Instead, Nora stood.

 

X6 tore his gaze away, too much shame to bear looking at her. What did she see? An object, trapped, take away for being broken. He’d always been strong, capable, and yet he sat in a room without anything of his own, not even his sunglasses.

 

Just a toy that didn’t live up to its owner’s expectation.

 

 Nora said nothing to him before turning around. She lowered her voice, though nothing could hide the anger as she spoke to someone behind her. They scuttled off, though anyone spoken to with that tone would have.

 

She came into the room and sat beside him.

 

X6 flinched when her arm brushed his.

 

“I missed you.” Her voice echoed off the walls, even though she whispered.

 

“I am sorry.” He meant for so much more than that. For all of it. They were right, this was wrong. At the start, it had been one thing, just sex, something he could do. But this? The wanting, the needing, all of that was just something wrong in his code. Nothing but a malfunction.

 

A scientist walked in, holding X6’s gear. Nora took it, then set it in X6’s lap. “Get dressed. We’re leaving.”

 

“Father said-“

 

“Shaun can screw himself if he thinks I’m leaving you here. I’ve already spoken to him. You’ve coming with me, where you belong.”

 

He wanted to argue, to explain that he didn’t belong anywhere, that it wasn’t safe, that he wasn’t right. All those words stuck in his throat when she reached out and slid his sunglasses into place and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

 

Then she left so he could dress, like she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, like he mattered.

 

A shudder ran through his shoulders before he did as she’d told him to. They could argue later.

 


End file.
